This is what I hear everyday! In some form or fashion I hear God calling me to just get out. I know in my heart and my mind that His main focus for me, in the past and still now, is my family. This has been my calling for the past 4 1/2 years. Some of you may ask "how do you know?" well let me tell you a little a story with the moral first.
When you fight God he finds ways to get through to you.
I worked my entire life starting at 15 until I had children. I worked two jobs and went to college full time. Busy was all I knew. I met Tommy on a weekend that I had had maybe 3 hours of sleep and NONE the weekend before. I lived in the fast lane. An example of my day was arrive at School at 8:00 for classes ranging from 8-12 and start work at 12 till 5. Class again at 6:00 5 days a week then I worked 10 hour days at my second job on Saturday and Sunday still managing to still go out every weekend. This went on, on and off, for 3 years with various jobs until we got married. We got married and soon moved to Milton, Fl. Shortly after loosing Kaylee, I "happened" upon the BEST job ever.The director and I hit it off immediatly and we became great friends. I started out teaching the younger kids(1's and 2's) and within a few months moved into teaching the VPK Preschool class. That only lasted a month or so and I was pulled into the office and trained as an assistant director. I loved it. I belived I had found my calling. During all this I became pregnant with Brooke, but continued to work and loved every minute of it. I planned to conitune working until I had Brooke and would come back after because she would be right there with me in the nursery. I never expected that I would be put on bedrest at 7 months and THEN I was called home. I fought because I loved everything about where I was and I didn't like change. My mom and I were not getting along great at this time and the last thing I wanted to do was go back home much less bring my family with me, but we did it. A year or so passed and I was living back home and raising Brooke when *I* decided it was time to go back to work so I went job hunting again and found a nice little job at a Child Care center close to home. Brooke couldn't start until she turned one and since it was just a few weeks, I had arranged care for her and started work. A few weeks later as promised Brooke would start while I worked. It wasn't a month later that she got very sick. Fevers and rash that would not go away. My wonderful MIL was gracious enough to take her to the DR so I could work and after about 5 days of this she insisted that something be done. You see I was to busy working and let it interfere with my "Mommy instint". I thank God everyday that she did because on Day 5 the Dr decided to send her to Sacred Heart(which we had already been once) for some testing. He suspected she might have something called Kawasaki Syndrome and called the hospital and told them what to test for. After many hours in the ER the test were inconclusive but she had 5 of the 7 symptoms so they admited her to be treated. She was given Gamma Globulin for 3 days and released. We had not been home an hour before the rash and the fever came back so we went back where they admitted her again for another treatment. Finally the day before Father's Day we were home. I noticed once I settled in that a certain visitor had not arrived yet and thinking it was the stress I ignored it BUT I was stressed and I really wanted to have some wine so I tested anyway. TADA! Happy Father's Day!!! I had to take Brooke to the Dr again and was told that due to the treatment that she would not be able to have her standard shots until 6 months and that she was not to be around anyone with chickenpox. I explained to him where I worked and that she was there also. He advised me that she did not need to be in a child care setting so I was once again "stuck" not being able to work. Plus I was pregnant and extremly hormonal. Go figure, Me hormonal =) . . . We ended up moving a few weeks later due to various situtaions that I'm not doing to get into now. I was content not working while I was pregnant and Brooke kept me plenty busy. I had Eli and was content being home.We moved again after that and found an amazing church where I have been able to meet great friends and really learn how to open up and embrace God. Around the time Eli was 8 months I got that itch to go back to work. I applied at a few places and got a couple of call backs but nothing ever panned out. Guess what happened the next month? Yep. Get ready for Miss Peyton! It gets better though this time. I got pregnant with Peyton in Nov then in March we were blessed to be able to become caregivers to Beautiful Baby Joe! Guess It took more than a pregnancy to tie me down that time.(wink wink). You could definatly describe me as stubborn, hardheaded, and hard of hearing at times. God always knew what he wanted for me though and always found a way to make it happen. Am I saying I got pregnant because I tried going back to work. No it was all in God's plan, but I am saying that when we try to make plans for ours lives and leave God out of it he is never far away and if we are willing to recieve he will find a way to steer us back onto the right path. I don't know what God has planned for me, but I know I am letting him lead.I am hearing more, "get out" now and I have great comfort in knowing that I can't get pregnant. =) but that's not to say that my baby days are over. Only God knows that. This year I am focusing on us as a family, but I am going to find ways to also let God work through me/us and I will stop using the blessings God has given me as a hinderance. The kids are getting older and are able to do a little more and are able to go without me a little more. Tommy can even watch them now. I've been hearing God call me to give back so I know I am starting there. I feel like I can now go out and do God's work even if the kids are in tow. For so long I've stayed in the Boat(Home)instead of taking the kids out into the world to witness to others. I am excited to see how God is going to work this all out. I'm not patting myself on the back or telling anyone what to do this is just me being honest, with myself and everyone else. This is also a reminder to myself for the future. Hope you enjoyed a snippet of the last 5 years of our life!
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