Saturday, June 28, 2014

I'm talking to you

Yes you! I don't know what you are at the moment but let me start by saying. Your mean and I do not like you. I feel like you have taken away my life, my quality of life, that is. You don't care about me. You suck the energy out of my body making me tired, exhausted and sleepy but you refuse to let me sleep. I can't sit or lay still because my body hurts so bad that the slightest prick, poke, or nudge is excruciating. I might be OK living with you but your like a bipolar pothead on crack. One day I feel fine. Another completely useless. One day I won't eat any thing all day and another you make me eat everything in sight and make me crave what's not. One day I can barely notice my heartbeat and others I'd swear I took a handful of yellow jackets or something. One day I feel like you make me mad at everything and on others I just want to curl up in bed and cry. Can't you just make up your mind? I've come to the conclusion that you are not depression or anxiety even though you make me fell depressed and anxious at times. Its not in my head. Sure when i forget what the stove is called, I feel crazy. I feel it again when i forget to get the kids a drink after they've asked me a third time. You make me physically sick. I don't think your new either. I feel like you've been hiding inside for a long time. Was it you that would give me chills during the 100 degree band practice. Do you know how crazy I felt huddled by the fence with a friends jacket while everyone else is sweating and praying for rain? Are you the reason I dreaded that time of the month? The fact that I had twice as many times of the month than other girls and why my iron was also so low. I still feel like others think its in my head and don't understand. I also don't feel like you are  spiritual battle going on. If so you'd have been gone long ago. I'm not a weak nobody seeking attention. I'm a strong willed Momma that's going to find out what you are and kick you out of my body so don't get comfortable.